The Pentagon Pit

The Pentagon Pit is a creative device that has been used by General Pentagon since his arrival in the IWL. It has revolutionized wrestling roleplays in the industry. It introduced into the IWL a whole new style of satirization and humor that has made Colonel Alexandra and General Pentagon famous. Soon, there will be a series of links to the Pentagon Pits that have been made over time. For now, this is for the old school Pentagonites out there, who remember Pentagon's rivalry with former World Champion, Deathcall.

This Pentagon was released on November 13, 1997 and it satirized a roleplay in which Deathcall returned to his home and had a dinner with his family for all the world to watch in a Hysteria.

(Scene opens to the set that has grown so familiar to IWL fans around the world. The Pentagon Pit set is located in an airplane hangar at a United States military base. The camera focuses on the desk and couch on the set. Numerous images of great military heros and and of General Pentagon holding the IWL World Heavyweight Championship title decorate the wall behind the couch and desk. The audience is once again filled with fans of the shows from all branches and services of the U.S. Armed Forces. Veruca Salt's "All Hail Me" comes on the loudspeakers and Colonel Alexandra walks out in front of her desk wearing a standard beige United States Marine Corps uniform. The music fades away to silence and she stands in front of the audience, looking with that fusion of innocent beauty and incredible wickedness that only the Colonel pulls off so incredibly well.)

Colonel: Welcome all you loyal fans of the original satire show here in the IWL, the Pentagon Pit. Accept no imitations! Now, today is a very special day for us here at the Pentagon Pit. Today, we will have as a guest the great IWL World Heavyweight Champion, Girlcall. No wait, excuse me, he would like to be called Scott from now on! Members of the Armed Services please give Scott the man who puts his parents in a flash an ovation he deserves.

(The Colonel withdraws from in front of the desk and moves to sit behind it. A kid who looks like he's fifteen comes out wearing Deathcall's garb and has a plastic belt with gold foil around his waist. He looks totally ridiculous and the people in the audience give him the respect he deserves. They all remain seated and let out a collective yawn. Scott flicks them off and sits down on the couch. He has a big frown on his face and in his left hand he holds a razor blade. The Colonel looks at him patronizingly.)

Colonel: Welcome to the Pentagon Pit, you must feel honored.

Scott-C: What are you talking about? You work for a Sgt. Bilko/Sgt. Slaughter clone!! Hahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!

Colonel: Wow, you are a blundering moron aren't you? The only thing Sgt. Slaughter and General Pentagon have in common is the fact that both served their country. Pentagon's sense of honor, Pentagon's character, are two contributions that no one else has provided the wrestling world. But, enough of defending my position from you, let's talk about your new autobiographical movie, called "Momma's Boy" or as others have called it "Daddy's Boy".

Scott-C: Well, finally, you're getting to a topic that the wrestling community will be interested in--me. You see my ego is larger than my Daddy's--um

(The Colonel is shocked.)

Colonel: Your dad's what?

Scott-C(Deathcall, remember this is you.): Nothing, now, I've got some clips of this Oscar winning caliber movie. In my latest flash I gave you what lunch in Scott's house should be, well, now I'm gonna give you what REALLY happens when my parents and I have lunch.

(Scene opens to Deathcall's lovely little dining room in his little house. His mom is doing the dishes and his dad walks out of the bathroom and zips his fly.)

Dad: Hey, son, I hear your facing some guy named the Undertaker?

Scott-C: Huh? Wrong league, Dad, I work for the IWL. Why don't you ever pay attention to what I do?! It's always something else, work, the dog, the whatever!!!

Dad: Son, what the hell are you talking about!

Scott-C: I'm gonna be facing General Ike D. Pentagon, the man who held the World Heavyweight Championship Title for five months!!!! But, I'm good, right Dad?

Dad: Kid, you suck. I know it, and you know it. You don't stand a chance. I thought you were facing the Undertaker, not General Pentagon. Sorry, son, you ain't gonna walk out of that arena.

(Scott-C starts crying and runs to his mom and hugs her. She's smoking a cigarette, and as Scott-C hugs her, she burns him with the cigarette on his face. He recoils in horror.)

Mom: How many times do I have to tell you!!? NEVER come within ten feet of me!!! Jeez, you make my skin crawl!

(Scott-C is originally surprised by his mom's outburst, but when she says that he makes her skin crawl he relaxes.)

Scott-C: Hey, that's what Minervana, the Empress of Darkness, and well every woman says to me each time I come near them. I'm used to it. See, General Pentagon is afraid of losing and I'm not. In fact, how can I be scared of something I do so well and so often?! It's ridiculous and that's my advantage.

Dad: How cannot being afraid to lose be an advantage and how can you use that against a man who is so determined?

Scott-C: Dad, I'm not as dumb as I look, I'm not gonna reveal that in this movie, what about all the sequels!?!? I need to make ends meet.

Dad: Kid, you are an idiot. Why don't you come into the bathroom with Daddy, I'll show you how to go potty.

(Dad looks at Scott a little seductively.)

Scott-C: Daddy, that's what you said last time and you know what happened last time!!!

Dad: I said get in the bathrooom!!!

(Dad takes Scott-C and they go into the bathroom. After hearing numerous moans and screams of well ya know. The Dad walks out of the bathroom and as we walks out he zips up his fly. Then the mother smiles at the dad, and walks into the bathroom, this time the moans are more feminine in nature, as to whether they were coming from Scott-C or not, well since the sounds were feminine no distinguishment can be made. A few seconds later, the mother walks out of bathroom and looks into the camera.)

Mom: Such a little fella. Now you know why they call him a moth@r#u#%er.

(Fade to black and the scene returns to the set of the Pentagon Pit. In this scene Scott is crying and about to slice his wrist.)

Scott-C: Those memories! Ah, so painful.

Colonel: I can imagine. But let's talk about your strategy for Pentagon before you slice yourself open.

Scott-C: Well, I'm gonna use Pentagon's determination and guts against him. I'm gonna use hit and run tactics, hoping that he'll get frustrated and lose his cool. I'll basically make him wrestle himself, cuz he's too big and slow to grab me when I slip in for those kicks and punches and then run away. Hahah! It's the perfect plan!!!! Pentagon's going down. Mom and Dad, why did you do all that stuff to me! Actually it was kinda fun more fun than Minervana. Wait what am I saying!!!

Colonel: I see, well let's bring out THE best wrestler in the IWL, General Ike D. Pentagon.

Scott-C: Please don't!!! He's gonna kick my a$$!!!

Colonel: Shut the hell up!!

(The military music with the snare drum accompaniment is heard and General Pentagon comes out wearing a United States Marine Corps beige uniform with a green jacket. His incredible muscular frame is evident under the uniform and he stands straight and intense. The members of the audience stand up and salute the General. He salutes them back and they start clapping. The ovation is very loud and General Pentagon walks over to the couch and points at Scott-C and Scott-C nervously gets up and moves to the far end of the couch. Those grey eyes look intently on the Colonel, and then he sits down.)

IKE: Well, Colonel, you can put up this pathetic excuse of a human being up here but it ain't gonna make a difference this Saturday. Now I am being intentionally ambiguous, because both Deathcall and this imitation are BOTH pathetic. Despite that fact, let's address some issues. See, Deathcall, I heard that you plan on using my determination against me. That's pretty funny, cuz I don't think so. See, your plan would work if my determination was a result of emotion. But, it's not. My determination is a result of sheer honor. That's all, and your little hit and run tactics will not make me angry. Your little speed advantage means nothing, cuz I will be patient. I will wait for the opportune time to strike and boy do I have big surprise when I do. You're going down, Deathcall. Period, end of discussion. You stand no chance. I'm gonna end my little rip on you by referring to an earlier statement regarding my superiority over you. My superiority over you, Deathcall, is eternal. I've always been better than you, I am better than you, and I always will be better than you. Swallow that jagged little pill, maggot!

Colonel: Well, before you leave, General, we must address Spazzz and the Inner Circle.

IKE: Ah yes, at Survival of the Fittest, The Inner Circle and a group that has not been named yet, but you could say we are all allies seeking the destruction of TIC. Now, TIC, you DO have more unity than we do. You DO know each other better than we know each other. We are going into the supercard with a disadvantage and there is no point denying it. But, this is the bottom line, we are a better group of wrestlers. Our team has got Dark Jester, a man who humors me to no end. However, this guy will not be humoring TIC at all when he's pinning the Capitol and any other member who gives him trouble. Then we've got the Vindicator a former World Champion and current tag team champion, who will dismantle Slam like I have done on a number of occassions. Not to mention the fact that he and I are tag champs and we know how to get the job done in a tag situation and we have more experience than anybody else except the Empress. The Flawless Model, not a man I'm a big fan of, but nontheless he also held the World Championship and the T.V. championshiop, he is a man who has already defeated Spazzz and will do so again. Then you have me. A former world champion, current tag champ, but that means nothing to me. It's an opportunity for me to prove to TIC that no group can dominate forever. I have a chance to prove to TIC and to my worthy arch-rival, the Empress of Darkness, that I mean business. Empress, I really hope we can meet in the ring once again. At the Supercard, it's gonna happen and I know lots of IWL fans are buying tickets and pay-per-view rights to see us step back into the ring again. Some say that you are ill, that you aren't one hundred percent. Well, Empress we both know that come Survival of the Fittest that you will be more than fit to give us a run for our money. Only one problem--me. See, Empress, though I have no doubt that you will prove yourself most challenging and worthy, I have a score to settle with you. A score in which you are leading two to zero. I haven't forgotten it and I know you haven't forgotten it. Well, I'm gonna make a little promise right here, right now. If you pin me at the Supercard I will be your servant!!! That's right. You heard it here first. If the Empress of Darkness pins me to the mat 1,2,3, I will become her servant. I am so sure that I would never allow myself to be pinned by you again, that I'm willing to give myself this little added incentive to perform.

(The Colonel is shocked by this latest development.)

Colonel: Sir, are you sure it's wise?

IKE: No, Colonel, it is not wise. But, I have a score to settle, and if I'm too much of a wimp to even it up at least 1-2, than I deserve to be reduced to that level at least for a time. So, here it is, Empress, you get the pin on me, I will bow to you and serve you. I said I would rather die than do that, and at the Supercard we're gonna find out whether I'm full of crap or not! See, I don't just talk, I put my money where my mouth is. My honor has been tarnished by two losses to you, one cheaply and the other fairly, well here's your chance to make me serve you. Now, I know the TIC is gonna come up with a plan to triple and quadruple team me so that the Empress will have an easier time with me. Well, to that I say, so what! And if they don't even bother and don't care about this challenge. That's fine, either way it makes no difference, my honor will be reclaimed. I can take it as well as dish it out. I've had enough of this, it's time for the Pentagon to return to power and return to the forefront of the IWL, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do if it kills me! And if I can't get the job done, I deserve to be the Empress's servant.

(The Colonel frowns but realizes his intensity and smiles bravely. The scene fades to black as the audience hoots and hollers in praise of General Pentagon's courage.)